Learning or noticing that a friend or family member might be struggling with an eating disorder can be challenging. Some obvious signs include a significant change in weight, making lots of comments about their body, losing their spark in personality, becoming isolated, or hiding their body with layers of clothes.

However, especially at first, the signs may be more subtle. You may have noticed them becoming obsessive about exercise, fearful about certain foods or weight gain, using the bathroom immediately after a meal, thinking or moving more slowly, or even gaining compliments about losing weight. Remember that 90% of people with an eating disorder have a “normal” body mass index, so it is impossible to visually determine if someone has an eating disorder. They might need more rest than usual to support their new habits, or continue changing their “goal” weight or shape. You might notice distress on their face when they look in the mirror, but you think they look fine.

Here are some ways you can provide support to an adult with an eating disorder:

1. Listen and Validate

Be a compassionate listener and validate their feelings without judgment. Creating a safe space for open communication can help them feel heard and supported. Try not to take things personally, as their behavior likely stems from their eating disorder, not how they feel about you. Respond with empathy and avoid encouraging any disordered behaviors.

2. Educate Yourself

Do your research. It’s important to educate yourself regarding eating disorders, but remember you are not their dietician, therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. Provide yourself with knowledge to recognize signs of an eating disorder or medical emergency as directed by professionals. 

3. Encourage Professional Help

Encourage your loved one to seek help, such as starting with a licensed psychologist who specializes in eating disorder treatment. Assist them in finding the right support system. Encourage them to seek treatment from a specialist. You might provide them with information on treatment options and facilities near them.

4. Don’t Take Things Personally

Although it can be hard, try not to take things personally. If your loved one seems defensive or angry while denying risk, remember this is the eating disorder speaking—not them. Find a different outlet to express anger towards the disorder. Respond with love, empathy, and “I” statements. Do not endorse unhealthy behaviors to avoid conflict; remove yourself if you feel stressed. 

5. Take Care of Yourself 

Remember to take care of yourself, too. Use self-care if feeling stressed or overwhelmed, as your mental health can be affected if you only prioritize another. Self-care can help maintain mental health and support treatment for mental health issues:

• Prioritize sleep

• Engage in physical activity  

• Try relaxation activities like meditation and yoga

• Set goals and priorities

• Focus on positivity  

• Stay in touch with friends and family for support

• Stay hydrated and eat regularly

Taking care of yourself can model healthy behaviors for your loved one. Sometimes, the presence of someone who regularly eats can play a supportive role in helping someone recover from an eating disorder. Seek professional help if you experience distressing or severe symptoms for more than two weeks, such as changes in appetite, difficulty sleeping, difficulty concentrating, or loss of interest in activities.

6. Do Not Threaten or Use Force

Remember, your loved one needs to choose recovery for themselves. Avoid drawing attention to behaviors in front of others and keep conversations private. Do not force them to eat feared foods or ask why they “can’t” eat, as this might worsen things. Let your adult loved one take the lead on trying out feared foods, with the support of their treatment team.

If you and your loved one are minors, tell a trusted adult. If safety is a concern, contact a trained professional, like a school psychologist or guidance counselor. You can also contact the helpline on the National Eating Disorder Association website. 

We understand that supporting a loved one who is struggling with an eating disorder can take a toll on you. Read more about evidence-based therapy for eating disorders from Southlake, Texas or contact us to get started.